Finally, two of my favourite web-comic heros are uniting in what will become a completely joyful bat-shit insane story. If you aren’t familiar with them, Dr mcninja is a comic created by grown man Chris Hastings about a ninja… who’s also a doctor… who fights zombie ninjas and pirates with the help of his gorilla secretary and a boy with a moustache and a dinosaur. Pretty standard stuff really. Axe Cop is a cop. With an axe. It is written by a 6 year old and illustrated by his older brother. Really.

Here’s an example of the Axe-cop writing process;

 This story is going to be mental my friends. It has been posted everyday on Axecop.com this week and the final parts will be on Drmcninja.com  everyday next week. Strap in.

So it emerged today that Mel Gibson has been an abusive partner or at least very drunk and shouty one. After apparently becoming so scared of Gibson’s abusive rants, ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva was driven to tape record his most recent - and disgusting - outburst.

But I’m not sure what all the fuss is about, I mean, surely we’ve all had too many strawberry dacquiries from time to time and become a bit…emotional? No?! Oh…well in that case I should probably untie my wife and let her out of the basement.

Anyway, judge for yourself. Here’s the infamous rant in all it’s slurred and incomprehensible glory care of MediocreFilms:

via YouTube

A live tour of monsters and music from Dr Who, complete with newly shot footage has made me have to change my trousers. Twice. Tickets go on sale tomorrow, as this countdown widget subtly shows…

Thanks to Nicola for the heads up.

Here again are things on the Telly box that will distract me when I should be doing something useful like chlorinating the local swimming pools…

V

The lizard people are coming! Again! This could be good (the original mini-series way back when had it’s moments) and it stars Firefly’s Inara and the X-Files Alex (boo) Critchek. Holding my breath on this one. Could go either way. UK premiere on the 13th on the Sci-Fi channel. Let’s hope we get to see the beautiful Morena Baccarin eat a guineapig.

Thanks to Birdy Putt for the heads up.

You Have Been Watching with Charlie Brooker

The second series of this corrosive look at crappy TV returns and it’s about time. Some of you may not be fans of Brookers petulant style, but I think he always has a good point to make. It returns on Channel 4 on thursday 15th of April and it is worth a squint. Here’s a clip from the last season if you missed it;

FaceJacker

To be honest, I stopped finding ’hidden camera’ shows funny when Jermey Beadle returned to his planet, which is annoying because the characters in this sequel to ‘fonejacker’ all look fun. I’m gonna watch it, then might regret it. We’ll see… 

It’s on friday 16th April on Channel 4 and it better not be one of those shows where irritating people quote from it for the next 8 months of our lives before some new fad comes along.

Dr Who & Ashes to Ashes

just a reminder that Ashes to Ashes is on Friday nights 9pm BBC (tonight, for example) and Dr Who is on Saturday nights around 6ish (tomorrow, for example). They are both excellent.

The world keeps spinning. here’s what I will be doing with my time instead of finding the antidote to death or jogging OR EVEN YOGA:

Caprica:

The prequel series to Battlestar is so weird I can’t figure out whether I like it or not. I appreciate that it is not, by any standard, normal American TV. That is a good thing. Beyond that I don’t know. It confuses me in the same way that Lady boys are confusing. Maybe not quite. All I’m saying is I need to see more of it to be convinced. It is science fiction at such a personal level (It’s about parents dealing with the death of their kids) that it doesn’t just turn the tables on our expectations, it tips the table right over so that the table legs are sticking up… then it impails you on one or more of the legs of this metaphorical science fiction table I’m talking about until you bleed confusion… but that is kinda awesome. So Caprica gets my time. Glad to hear it may be getting a second season.

William Shatner:

Bilbo Shat is still alive. Therefore I choose to live another year…

Ashes to Ashes

Returns on friday on BBC 1, I am lead to believe. The great Gene Hunt back on my telly box will be great. A final series!?! Will John Simm make an appearance?? Doubt it. Will Keeley Hawes get naked?? No. That would be an “In my head only” event. And I wouldn’t even be invited.. because I’m not dressed properly for “ridiculously sexy”…

 I also want to check out the American version of Life on Mars which features Colm Meany, A Star Trek TNG and DS9 regular, therefore someone whom I consider close family for geeky reasons (my geek family or ‘geekamily’ is extensive, but loving).

Dr Who:

  No one will be surprised to know that I am not only going to be watching the new Dr Who, but I may be expelling all my bodily fluids all at once whilst I am doing so. That’s the way I roll… excited and grubby. From the little I’ve seen, Matt Smith looks great, and the loss of Russell T Davis and David Tennant will be slightly less painful in the knowledge that Stephen Moffat is now in control. Only slightly.

If we can ignore their amazing name just for a moment, Pomplamoose are a great musical duo who seemingly live in the tubes of youtube, in a small studio with a variety of quirky musical instruments and various breakfast cereals. These guys are now the face of youtube musicians wanted partnership scheme, where apparently musicians can sign up, post some videos and make money out of them. Sounds nice.

It took me a while to decide which of their videos to post, ’cause I like them all, but I went with this cover of Earth, Wind and Fire’s September, ‘Expiration Date’.

 Screw those philosophical plants in my last post! Depressing bastards. This one is purely for me. My favourite cartoon when i was growing up was the Pink Panther, particularly the DePatie/Freleng golden era. I call it golden, to most it may have appeared yellow or even light brown. I watch those cartoons now and I am reminded of the smell of toast with melted butter. YeAH. Most people I speak to remember the Pink Panther (of course) but forget the extra cartoons they made that ended up filling the ’Pink Panther Show’ (which was an excuse to re-run previous Panther cartoons) including the Tijuana Toads and Crazylegs Crane. My favourite additional cartoon was The Ant and the Aardvark. I love it all, from the backgrounds down to the zoidberg-ian voice of the Aardvark…

The last remake of PP which I was excited about back in 1993 had him talking (with the voice of Max Headroom, no less) and I remember being deeply dissapointed about it, but this is reviving The Ant and the Aardvark! Once again people will know what the hell I’m talking about!! Yeah! Go me!

Americans must tell me how it goes, as it premieres today (sun 7th) on cartoon network 
I’m taking this one as a personal win.

(Also via Cartoon Brew. Good site that.)

I hate clothes. They cost money AND they cover my body. I have newspapers to do that. Some of my friends who are generally reguarded as being “well dressed” find themselves spending real money on something they never wear. I myself have been known to use a knapkin only to callously throw it away without wiping my extremities. I felt like quite the poshy. Anywhoo… most people seem to know about the artistry of clothes and what not, so it is good to hear about this scheme by Save the Children where you don’t hand in shit, because that’s what they tend to get. One of these shops has opened in Edinburgh CHECK IT HERE. I won’t pretend to know who Mary Portas is, but I like the cut of her jibb. (Edinburgh shop details here)…

We all knew it would happen; the day we posted an article that involved Twitter, Shatner and a grumpy man. This is that day folks. Kiss your loved ones one last time and make peace with your furry maker.

The Shat has reportedly signed on to do a pilot for a comedy series based on someones Twitter page. WTF? I’ll let that sink in with the help of this video;

 Hopefully after that you are all in the right frame of mind to discuss this. Now I know as much about Twitter than I do about small break-dancing Indian kids (dancing, breaking, kids and India are all things that I am so ignorant of I fear them). But this Twitter account here  by twitterer or tweeterer or tweety Justin(shitmydadsays) catalogues the hilarious, genius and bizzare things his dad has said to him. Some of my favourites include;

“No, I’m not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain’t shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist.”

“The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain’t spitting it out.”

“Here’s a strawberry, sorry for farting near you…Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that’s the deal.”

It’s pretty funny reading, this father figure is quite the philosopher. So they are gonna make a show around it with Shatner as this dad saying shit. Apparently, as well as the pilot sit-com, there is already a book deal. Not to be outdone by technology the Shat naturally has his own Twitter page, by the way.

news via Trektoday

Shatner - 2             2010 - 0

What better way to spend the day of love than by dressing up as a klingon I ask you? None, you reply, whilst a single tear rolls down you cheek.

These guys broke the world record for most people in Trek costume in one place. All to promote the new Star Trek online game. I really need to find a reason to wear my TOS costume. Other than…you know… to watch TV.

Fox are apparently trying to replace John DiMaggio, Maurice LaMarche, Billy West and Katy Sagal for the new supposed series of Futurama which will be partly funded by the Sci-Fi (Sy-Fy?) channel. That’s pretty much ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS. I hate Fux, as do most people do, but i love Futurama. I don’t think I can watch this new thing if this actually happens. How could this be allowed? Why does Groening stay with these douchebags? Is this Fox trying to get these guy’s salaries down? Is this them trying to get people like me to write badly written articles like this as some kind of viral marketing?  Is there any way this can look good? No Fox. No. You look like cocks. I’m sure you’re fine with that. Fox cox. I will be very dissapointed in the actors if this is some kind of promotional bull crap. They are better than that.
via topless robot. Pic-i-ture from here.

If they start going for my family, I’m going militant because after so many years, I fear they may cancel them.

Ironically It took the newspapered words of Charlie Brooker for me to notice this little violation of humanity that is so horrible, British newspapers seemingly had better things to talk about. Here is a section from the ‘newspaper’ (Scottish Daily Express) that ran (FRONT PAGE!?!?) with how several Dunblane survivors are apparently not acting like heavenly creatures, but infact acting like human beings. Oh, the names have been removed by another blogger, not the newspaper. Source; from an equally raging, but better explained blog here

A number of the youngsters, now 18, have posted shocking blogs and photographs of themselves on the Internet, 13 years after being sheltered from public view in the aftermath.[...]

But now the Sunday Express can reveal how, on their web-based social networking sites, some of them have boasted about alcoholic binges and fights.

For instance, [name removed by JP] — who was hit by a single bullet and watched in horror as his classmates died — makes rude gestures in pictures he posted on his Bebo site, and boasts of drunken nights out.

Paula Murray, Scottish Sunday Express: Anniversary Shame of Dunblane Survivors

 

Just to clarify: A Scottish national newspaper found several surviving people from the Dunblane massacre on facebook and the like, and decided to go front page with all their normal human goings on…trying to shame them.  Paula Murray. That’s the first name on a new list I have of people I loathe. Join me. The Scum-shifter list. How fucking dare you? I hope you vomit up a tricycle and drive it to the edge of the universe, only to realise it wasn’t a tricycle all along, it was just your vomit held together by everyone elses dreams….(my story ends. Where Paula drives her vomit-trike from there is her buisness. I.e. you can ride it back to us… it’ gonna take a while.)

The eloquent Pickards says it best:

Don’t allow the media to tread over ordinary folks like this. Ordinary folks who have already been through quite enough, thank you, without grubby ’scandal-mongering’, moralising and yet strangely moral-free articles being used to sell a few more papers at the expense of these people.

Yeah. On your Tricycles. This isn’t journalism, it’s rubbernecking gossip.