Arnie sings again:

If you don’t like it he will kill you dead.

via legolambs on that site with all dem videos

So it emerged today that Mel Gibson has been an abusive partner or at least very drunk and shouty one. After apparently becoming so scared of Gibson’s abusive rants, ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva was driven to tape record his most recent - and disgusting - outburst.

But I’m not sure what all the fuss is about, I mean, surely we’ve all had too many strawberry dacquiries from time to time and become a bit…emotional? No?! Oh…well in that case I should probably untie my wife and let her out of the basement.

Anyway, judge for yourself. Here’s the infamous rant in all it’s slurred and incomprehensible glory care of MediocreFilms:

via YouTube

John Lajoie is a funny man from Canada. Here is his latest video about how record companies target young girls. Did I mention it’s quite funny? Well it is

via YouTubedotcom

It’s a very strange thing that happens when you watch this video of film KritiK and plastic haired human Mark Kermode as he makes the point against 3D films … you realise that the world doesn’t play with toys enough. Playing with toys makes everything fun and TRUE! Everything.

via cartoonbrew and my lovely BBC.

A Bill Hicks documentary? About time is what I say to that.

I love Robert Zemeckis, and anyone who doesn’t is an idiot. Among other classics, the man made the ‘Back to the Futures’ and ‘Who Framed Rodger Rabbit’. That’s like creating the Sun and the Moon of modern film making. There is even talk that he is working on a Rodger Rabbit 2 which I would probably wet the bed about (and then cunningly blame my little brother for). Recently, the Z man has been (like so many great directors these days) been ploughing his energy into motion capture technology, such as this…

Polar Express is a good film, but in my opinion it shouldn’t have been MC’d. The characters look dead. Watch the clip above and tell me it wouldn’t have been better with the real cast… who were acting out those scenes anyway. It’s a half way house. Let animators do their jobs, or let actors do theirs. Don’t ever think actors can animate with software and balls stuck on their faces. Equally animators need an actor to create the performance. When you use motion capture to make your characters look like the actors, then what’s the point of using it at all? At least James Cameron made them look tall and blue. If I’m not convinced by Tom Hanks in real life (which sometimes I’m not) then I’m not going to be convinced by Tom Hanks phoning in his acting into a computer image of Tom Hanks. What’s the fucking point?

Disney have ended whatever deal they had with Zemeckis to do with this dead-eyed technology. Hopefully he will continue to make films in which characters (real or cartoon) get to act with some emotion. The man’s a pioneer, so hopefully we can learn from this… 

Swear to god an advert on TV tried to sell me 4 different things at once tonight. It was an ad for a video game, but it played music from a shitty popshit album (details of which where on screen), gave not the price of the game but the price of the game console, all with the bright red name of the supermarket where you can buy all these things from. Bill HIcks was right about you people. And what’s with making the adverts louder than the program I’m watching?   

BBC announced today their plans to close BBC 6 Music (home of Adam& Joe, Jarvis Cocker, Guy Garvey’s Finest Hour, Mark Riley to name a few) in 2011.  Apparently the digital station “competes head on for a commercially valuable audience” which might otherwise be listening to Radio 1(Chris Moyles, Fearne Cotton, Vernon Kay) or 2 (Steve Wright’s Sunday Love Songs, Alan Titschmarsh with Melodies for You, Going Out with Alan Carr). No, no, no. No. Given the selections above, everyone who can will switch to XFM and the rest of us would prefer to record nails scraping on a blackboard/Jimmy Carr’s laugh/Janet Street Porter singing the birdy song. Or maybe just a nice podcast, or CD for those of us that can remember such things.

6 Music entire annual budget is a relatively paltry £9 million. Check out the rather beautiful work of art that is the BBC-o-gram to get a sense of how this compares with the budgets of BBC 1/ BBC 3, or (sorry to get all Daily Mail on your ass) the salaries of Jonathan Ross, Graham Norton, or Anne Robinson. Or see how much they’ve been spending on shiny buildings.

Happily, the latest reports indicate the beeb may be prepared to reverse their decision, in the face of the tsunami of discontent they’ve seemingly created. There will now be a 12 week public consulation. Ideas for ways to make your voice heard by the Big British Castle can be found here. Just imagine little Lauren Laverne’s eyes welling up, and give what you can. Here’s an awesomely catchy song from the playlist to get you in fighting spirit (especially you Black Squadron);

I read about this documentary called ‘The Cove’ then I waited (roughly) 30 minutes until I read it again. It may be one of the most bizzare things I’ve ever read twice in 30 minutes. I have not seen the film, but i really need to. I think you need to see it as well. That way I didn’t just make it up and I’m not crazy…

A lagoon off The Japanese town of Taiji is used as a dolphin meat-market 

The film is about the guy who trained the original dolphin that played Flipper. He leads a team bent on exposing the hidden dolphin trade which is a world wide thing which involves us in the ‘West’ getting the dolphins that are good at jumping through hoops and look pretty, while the rest get mashed up into paste.

Why?

I found this lovely wee excerpt from BBC3 on youtubes.

I for one dont believe in any of this kind of malark, I would quite like to, but theres just no concrete evidence and burkes like these psychics dont help. Accompanying these are astrologists, women like mystic meg hell bount on sprouting shite associating the planets and stars to everday life situations and even creating love forecasts!!! Supposidly ive got a cloudy heart today with outbreaks of on-fire tomorrow, hmmmmm. Whatever my hearts doing I shall stick to the proven method of following life by reading the jokes on penguin biscuits which seem to be as relevant as the solar system.

I really really liked Juno, but this trailer for Diablo Cody’s follow up new film’ Jennifer’s body’ looks like the antithesis of everything great about Juno/a teenage goth boy’s wet dream/crap.

From what I’ve seen, Ellen Page bright, funny and sparky, just like her character in the aforementioned. By contrast let me summarise this interview with Megan Fox re: Transformers;  pout, rub neck flirtily, I like shoes, I didn’t realise I had a character or would have to do anything in this movie so i didn’t prepare, robots sound British, Michael Bay made me hurt myself when doing stunts (which was great) and then would show me my face and say “come watch what you do with your face cos it actually hurt!”, you get lumped in with other girls doing things that are(n’t?) [can't quite tell]- sideways glance to publicist- shedding positive light on young girls. Maybe I’m being unfair so here’s a direct link to today’s press release where she clearly talks about the character development in the new movie and you can decide for yourself. Unapologetic and inappropriate, yes probably true.

Hopefully I’ll be proved wrong by the films complete subversive undermining of the genre itself, spelling the end for the whole wanky goodlooking vampire thing (although I’m guessing the whole Megan Fox/lesbian kiss/cheerleader outfit thing might override, for most of the audience, any postmodernist critiques). And yes, apparently she’d not really a vampire because she actually eats people, making her more of a goodlooking zombie? Which certainly would subvert the reason for zombie films (and what makes them so great).  I just want to SCREEEEEEAM (and not in a good way).

For those of us looking for some subversive vampirical greatness here’s none-other than Jean Painleve’s ‘wildlife documentary’ Le Vampire, 1945 [stick with it till 2mins 53 when Nosferatu appears]. It’s in french so it must be clever (couldn’t find a subtitled version but doesn’t matter). And it has a great jazz soundtrack (the BFI’s DVD has a soundtrack by Yo La tengo). I feel better already.

I really, really love Futurama. Therefore I feel it is important that my potential misery must be seen through to its conclusion on the inter-webs, even if the end product is the suicide of my “funny gland”.

Topless Robot, the greatest site for alcoholic geeks, has several ’spies’ at the San Diego Comic-con. One of these geeks went to a Futurama panel. Here is the result…

By all accounts, the Futurama panel was kind of sad. Whatever that Fox “live decision” thing they had planned on doing was canceled, and none of the voice cast showed up. Cohen and crew couldn’t comment on any of the negotiations, and all they could tell the crowd was “cross your fingers.” That’s super, super depressing. But thanks to Brittney Le Blanc for the assist in covering the panel.

 

The fact that the cast didn’t show up means that this is a serious thing. Some fancy buisnessman/woman/child somewhere is trying to kill one of my favourite TV shows. Again. Whoever thought; “Futurama would be better, but only if the voices were done by someone else…” …well you are distinctly twatish. You are an Anus of the highest degree. I can’t see how replacing some of the best voice actors in the world for ’whoever’ makes any sense. I HATE YOU.   

Fox are apparently trying to replace John DiMaggio, Maurice LaMarche, Billy West and Katy Sagal for the new supposed series of Futurama which will be partly funded by the Sci-Fi (Sy-Fy?) channel. That’s pretty much ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS. I hate Fux, as do most people do, but i love Futurama. I don’t think I can watch this new thing if this actually happens. How could this be allowed? Why does Groening stay with these douchebags? Is this Fox trying to get these guy’s salaries down? Is this them trying to get people like me to write badly written articles like this as some kind of viral marketing?  Is there any way this can look good? No Fox. No. You look like cocks. I’m sure you’re fine with that. Fox cox. I will be very dissapointed in the actors if this is some kind of promotional bull crap. They are better than that.
via topless robot. Pic-i-ture from here.

If they start going for my family, I’m going militant because after so many years, I fear they may cancel them.

Ironically It took the newspapered words of Charlie Brooker for me to notice this little violation of humanity that is so horrible, British newspapers seemingly had better things to talk about. Here is a section from the ‘newspaper’ (Scottish Daily Express) that ran (FRONT PAGE!?!?) with how several Dunblane survivors are apparently not acting like heavenly creatures, but infact acting like human beings. Oh, the names have been removed by another blogger, not the newspaper. Source; from an equally raging, but better explained blog here

A number of the youngsters, now 18, have posted shocking blogs and photographs of themselves on the Internet, 13 years after being sheltered from public view in the aftermath.[...]

But now the Sunday Express can reveal how, on their web-based social networking sites, some of them have boasted about alcoholic binges and fights.

For instance, [name removed by JP] — who was hit by a single bullet and watched in horror as his classmates died — makes rude gestures in pictures he posted on his Bebo site, and boasts of drunken nights out.

Paula Murray, Scottish Sunday Express: Anniversary Shame of Dunblane Survivors

 

Just to clarify: A Scottish national newspaper found several surviving people from the Dunblane massacre on facebook and the like, and decided to go front page with all their normal human goings on…trying to shame them.  Paula Murray. That’s the first name on a new list I have of people I loathe. Join me. The Scum-shifter list. How fucking dare you? I hope you vomit up a tricycle and drive it to the edge of the universe, only to realise it wasn’t a tricycle all along, it was just your vomit held together by everyone elses dreams….(my story ends. Where Paula drives her vomit-trike from there is her buisness. I.e. you can ride it back to us… it’ gonna take a while.)

The eloquent Pickards says it best:

Don’t allow the media to tread over ordinary folks like this. Ordinary folks who have already been through quite enough, thank you, without grubby ’scandal-mongering’, moralising and yet strangely moral-free articles being used to sell a few more papers at the expense of these people.

Yeah. On your Tricycles. This isn’t journalism, it’s rubbernecking gossip.